I'm beginning a new segment here on this blog, because why the hell not. In this new segment, Audio Sadism, I put myself through the most despised albums for your personal entertainment, maybe discovering something of merit in them along the way! Or it can just be godawful and I can hate myself more for listening to it, it could go either way. The first album that I'll be reviewing for this segment is the infamous St. Anger by Metallica. There've been a lot of hefty claims against this album made, like how Lars Ulrich's snare drum sounds like a trash can, the songs are the worst that Metallica have done, the production is terrible, and so on. So I put myself through this album, and here's what I think of it.
Yes, I have to agree that the snare drum
sounds awful and can be more than enough to ruin the feel of some songs.
Lars' drumming ranges from typical Lars to almost exceptionally
mediocre, such as the reoccurring Lars-ism to do a punky thrash beat
with only one bass drum per bar. The riffs are often mediocre (St. Anger's
entire structure flows around a generic descending chord structure),
the lyrics are typical angsty-teenager tripe, and the whole thing seems
shoddily put-together. I mean, this is Metallica, so of course it's not
gonna be about proggy song structures or poetic lyrics or anything like
that. The focus of any Metallica album is the thrashy aggression, right?
Well, I guess there are some decent thrash moments on the album, but in
the face of more extreme metal genres and bands, it pales in
comparison, even to the older Metallica albums.
To give it some credit,
there's a few decent cuts on the album (Personal favorites are Frantic,
The Unnamed Feeling, Dirty Window, and All Within My Hands), and I can
get that they may have been going for a more raw-sounding album. Some
songs like Invisible Kid drag on and repeat far too many times, which
really disrupts the flow of the album, or at least what little flow it
seems to have. It would have been a much better thrash album had the
band not focused on dragging things out to attempt complex song
structures and focused on the most important thing in any Metallica
album, which is the thrashy aggression. It's not terrible as everyone
claims it to be, but it's certainly not a great album by any stretch of
the imagination. I'd only recommend it if you're a die-hard Metallica
fan and desperate for every scrap of metal that you can find.
So there you have it. St. Anger, while mid-range at best, it never really goes to the levels of piss-poor that everyone claims it does. Hell, it's certainly not as bad as a certain... OTHER Metallica album. (That one's next, as soon as I can find the spiritual strength to put myself through that abomination again and put my disgust into words.)
So, I know I touched briefly on this game a few months ago, and now I've finished it. I had put this game on the back-burner after awhile, and forgot about it. When I went back to it, and played it for a bit, I realized I stopped playing literally an hour away from beating it. So there's that.
If you remember my old post (here), I mentioned a few of the gimmicks of the game; class pins, interruptions, et al. The biggest advancement since then, is an advancement in the class pin system. At the time, I could only equip one class pin to mix with your core class. Well shortly after that post, I found that you can equip two classes in addition to your core. Doing some simple math, with about 10 choosable classes you have roughly 45 total, two-class combinations. If you want to try mixing and matching to find your play-style, this is the way to go.
Just for the sake of keeping this short, here's a bullet list of thoughts on OTRSPOD3.
The combat is still fluid and nuanced. You can find a general strategy that will work on most enemies, but there are some fights where you have to change things up.
The class system is clever. I think the class combination system is really nice in creating interesting strategies for battle. Some classes, obviously, synergize well together, but having the option to branch out radically adds a really nice touch.
The writing is a bit wordy at times, but it fits the whole Penny Arcade mold. Tycho is verbose, and Gabe is a bit spacey. It fits the comic well. Whether you think this is a good thing relies on your thoughts of the writing in the strip.
Free DLC, so there's that. If you're playing the Steam version, auto-downloaded.
Interrupting enemies becomes a huge priority in late game fights. Once enemies start powering up, you'll want to keep them from attacking.
In case I didn't mention this last time, enemies get stronger the longer the battle goes. It's not uncommon for bosses to be at 200% capacity or higher by the time you even get then below 1/4 life.
I highly recommend this game to fans of 16 bit RPGs. The turn based combat has enough new wrinkles to keep it interesting. The automatic healing between battles means you're not micro-managing items and abilities that can drag down a game. The game isn't particularly long, and it's been fairly cheap on Steam of late, so consider it if you have an RPG itch.
Yeah okay... I wasn't expecting this either. A movie review? Sorry, I've been playing Minecraft everyday for the past few months and discovered my addiction is still pretty fucking strong. I haven't really thought of reviewing Minecraft, because it's been done to death, and you don't need me, suave man Corey, to tell you that it's probably one of the best games ever made. Period.
Seriously. I need to go to rehab.
Also, this sprang up out of nowhere because a fucking creeper just blew up my house with multiple sprawling balconies and intricate pathways and designs, essentially wasting the 2 FUCKING DAYS I spent LOATHING over it.
What a dickhead.
So now I'm irritated and taking a short break from Minecraft, which proved to be quite the challenge because I don't really do much of anything BESIDES play Minecraft. Well, except hang out with my fiance, but she wasn't home during this chaos so I had to settle for a movie.
I don't have many films. I usually watch all the Indiana Jones movies, because they fucking rock. I like comedies, but don't really own any. Netflix never has anything good besides Rocko's Modern Life. So I went on YouTube instead and right on my front page was a trailer for the new Evil Dead movie remake. It looks interesting to say the least. That girl in the cellar is WAY more fucking creepy than she used to be, that's for damn sure.
Actually... I'm not sure anymore... O_O
I have a personal fear of this movie, mainly because my grandmother let me watch it when I was 5 years old on an old VHS tape that was already 4 years old, so the quality was super grainy. Raw, even. To this day this movie is fucking scary to me, and I will review the movie to kind of explain why. Honestly, I just put Terminator 2 on Netflix while writing this because I'm a little uneasy having seen the new trailer for the E.D. remake, and it's also 1:09 AM here.
...Okay, lets go.
The movie starts off just as disturbing as it should be. In the middle of a fucking fog covered swamp. Then the title pops up, and we see Bruce Campbell (as Ash) and his magnificent chin. Oh, and his friends are there too. His best friend Scotty is there, his girlfriend Linda is there, his sister Cheryl is there. There's also Shelly, who's pretty much Scotty's sack partner for the week. They're renting a cabin in the woods for a little retreat, because that's always a good idea right?
Out of nowhere, an ominous force locks the steering wheel to swerve the car into oncoming traffic, but suddenly it gives and Scotty, Ash's best friend swerves out of the way in time. Talk about an intro! It literally takes a whole 2 minutes for this horrifying scene to happen. It plays this music that's pretty chilling, and lets you know something fucked up is about to happen. It's just very unsettling.
Finally, in a hilarious moment, they find the cabin, which can only be accessed by crossing over a bridge over a large chasm, which once again... not a great idea. But they do it anyway, and arrive at the cabin.
Are you fucking crazy? You couldn't pay me to step foot in that cabin. Anyway, they all get out and we're treated to a tour of this god-forsaken place. All the weird ass shit you would expect is here: A deer head on the wall, little weird gourds hanging around, um, a goddamn trapdoor cellar held shut with CHAINS. Seriously, once I saw that shit I wouldn't be staying there.
The first night, a key scene happens here. Ash and his girlfriend Linda are
sitting on the couch, and he gives her some kind of necklace with a
magnifying glass or something on it. This is pretty key later on and I will tell you why if you promise to read the rest of this article!
The five are eating dinner making jokes when suddenly the trap door swings open by itself and scares the living shit out of everyone. After bitching about who will go down and investigate, Ash and Scotty discover a tape recording and the Book of the Dead. Scotty plays the tape, in which a professor begins to transcribe the passages from the book, speaking them loudly. Cheryl becomes more and more unsettled, screaming at Scotty to turn it off, when a tree rams into the window, scaring the five and most certainly making me shit my pants as well.
What they don't realize, is that they've awakened some pretty pissed off Kandarian demons. So the next night, Cheryl is lured outside by a ominous voice saying "Join us...", and of course she goes outside. Did I mention she's almost nude? Anyway, this leads to probably the most infamous scene in the movie, and I hate to even say it....
Tree rape. I'm warning you this next image may either turn you hentai fans on, or horrify you for eternity.
Oh dear lord...
This scene is long, and for all the worst reasons. I won't go into detail. Anyway, freeing herself from the trees, Cheryl treks back home to tell her devastating story, and no one believes her. Trees don't do that kind of shit. Insisting they leave immediately, Ash decides to take her home. He drives to the bridge to see this:
Do not pass GO! Do not collect $200!
Fuck! Almost got out. No way out now. Back to the cabin with you Cheryl!
Are you ready for the most stomach churning hibbity jibbity holy fuck scene of all time?
While just chilling hanging out, Linda and Shelly are playing some kind of card guessing game. Cheryl, on the other side of the room, starts calling out the cards without even seeing them. She calls out every single card, to the surprise and terror of Linda and Shelly, growing louder and louder until she reveals to be possessed.
Startled, the rest of the crew stand in horror as a floating Cheryl states, "Like all those before you…one by one…we will take you!", before dropping to the ground. It's here that the movie will break you instantly or you will overcome it.
As Linda goes to check on Cheryl, she suddenly lurches up, pencil in hand, and proceeds to stab it directly into Linda's ankle.
Just looking at this picture makes me queasy.
What's sickening is that that almost looks incredibly real. Anyway, Ash tries to pull her away, and is knocked into a bookshelf by Cheryl and subsequently it falls on him rendering him immobile. Cheryl comes at Ash with the pencil, and is knocked into the cellar by Scotty with a swift hit. Here's what's crazy in this scene: For Scotty to lock her ass in the cellar, he has to sit on the door with her pounding the living shit out of it, knocking his ass all around up and down until finally he gets the thing bolted down and chained up.
Shortly after, Shelly is violently taken away by "something", but re-appears later to get chopped up.
The amount of blood flying here is just horrifying. Especially the right-in-your-face dismemberment. You can see why this movie scarred me for most of my childhood.
Well, after realizing they've chopped up their friend, Scotty has had enough. Shit, what man wouldn't have had enough? Ash doesn't give a shit, like he's done it a billion times before or something. He still tries to convince Scotty to stay to save his friends, who eventually tells him along the lines of "fuck you" and disappears outside into the forest. I love this scene because for once Bruce Campbell looks like a chump.
Ash is left alone to deal with Cheryl in the cellar, who looks even more horrifying now, and even worse she taunts him over and over again. So Ash ignores her to check on his girlfriend who somehow has been sleeping the whole time, and finds out she has also turned into a demon.
Ike Turner's ex-girlfriend.
Instead of trying to kill Ash however, she sits and taunts him with the most annoying laugh EVER. So Ash punches her in the face three times, and she still laughs! Does my caption above make sense now? Linda does some kind of trick where she appears human and has a regular voice, tricking Ash until Cheryl reminds him that she's still the same. Ash replies:
That chin is pure torture on my heart Brucie.
Then the laugh. Oh my God that horrible laugh. The bitch is back. Ash, having had enough of her shit, drags her ass outside and leaves her and holy shit Scotty is alive, albeit seriously fucked up from the evil
woods. Ash helps him in and puts him on the couch, where Scotty says
"We're all gonna die!". Sorry to say Scotty... It's you and Ash left;
Most of you are dead already. Scotty dies after this scene from his wounds.
While grieving over his loss, Linda strikes from nowhere and slashes Ash with a knife. She beats the living shit out of him, until he impales her with the knife (finally!) and ends her. To not take any chances having been tricked once, Ash tries to kill her by cutting her up with a chainsaw, but once again can't bring himself to do it. Fucking pussy. So he decides to just bury her. All is calm from the first strike of the shovel, up until Ash places the necklace he got her on the grave.
I think you know where this is going.
Her hand pops out, and slowly she rises from the grave knocking Ash on his ass. I find this scene to be hilarious because Ash then proceeds to take a wooden beam and repeatedly beats the hell out of her. You have to watch it to realize the humor. To make a long scene short, Linda jumps at Ash and he lobs her head off with the shovel. She lands right on top of him, spewing blood from her neck stump all over his face, while the head just sits and revels in it, laughing until dying horribly.
When Ash returns, Cheryl (remember her?) has escaped from the cellar. Talk about down on your luck! You had to chop up your best friend, your girlfriend, and now there's a demon lurking around somewhere. Well fuck that shit, Ash goes down in the cellar and collects a shotgun. Upon returning upstairs, Cheryl tries to take it away from him unsuccessfully, and Ash blasts her in the face.
Something like this
This is when things get weird. Ash goes back down in the cellar to get more shells, and a series of weird shit happens. First, a pipe bursts and dumps like 10 gallons of blood all over Ash. Then the walls and outlets start pouring blood. Even a lightbulb fills up with blood and explodes. Dazed from having an ocean of blood sprayed at him and confused from the utter insanity of that even happening, Ash stumbles in front of a projector which winds itself up and casts a light on him. Blood runs down the projector screen, essentially saying that Ash is next to die.
Ash high tails it out of the cellar to find more weird shit. Footsteps coming from the roof, a mirror that is actually water, shadows moving around the windows.... regular weird shit. It's clear Ash is losing his mind. In his defense, he's had a hell of a night so far. So he stands against the front door to rest and to get his shit together.
Maybe not...
You stupid son of a bitch! Haven't you learned by now not to do stupid shit like that? Anyway, Cheryl sticks her face in the door and Ash blasts her again. He starts barricading the door when suddenly Scotty rises from the dead.
How ironic that the last two demons that are alive are the ones who tried to leave.
This scene is climactic and really gets your heart racing because not only does Ash have to fight Scotty, Cheryl breaks the door down to add to the fun. It's also one of my favorite scenes strictly for this:
Not shown above: Heinz Ketchup bottle.
Somehow, the demons get the upper hand, forcing Ash to the ground. Remember that necklace? Somehow it ended up right next to the Book of the Dead, right by the fireplace. Ash gets the idea of destroying the book to kill the demons. Great idea, but he's about 3 feet away from reaching it.
Oh shit!
While his leg is being chewed off by Scotty and his body is being beaten with a fire poker by Cheryl, Ash does the impossible and uses the necklace to pull the book over to him. Tired of getting hit with a poker, he tosses the book in the fire and instantly the demons freeze.
This scene is fucking awesome. It's all old school clay animation and it looks amazing for the time (skip to 1:28):
Having triumphed the demons, in a twist ending that ominous force from the beginning crashes through the house after Ash and the last thing we hear is him scream.
Congratulations. You've now read about one of the best horror movies ever made. It's fucking pure blood and guts until the very end. Like the ad for the movie says, "the ULTIMATE experience in grueling terror!" And shit they ain't kidding! I really recommend that everyone watches this movie at least once. It's awesome from start to finish and it's genuinely scary to know that the actors did their own stunts, and some even got hurt during the process. This movie got Sam Raimi into the filmmaking business, and it's no wonder why.
Actually, I recommend getting the original "trilogy" set. Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness are hilarious and awesome, and feature some of the best one-liners in movie history.
This
may sound very unrelated, but as a car guy and gamer I have always been a huge
fan of Polyphony Digital’s Gran Turismo
series. Gran Turismo 5 was 80% of the
reason I bought a Playstation 3 (and the game that I spent about 90% of my time
on that system playing), and overall it’s an amazing game. Well Microsoft has a
flagship racing game series of its own, called Forza Motorsport. Being that I loved Gran Turismo so much, but my
PS3 being dead, one of the first games I bought when I received my free Xbox
for buying a windows laptop back in august was Forza Motorsport 4. Overall, I found it comparable to GT5 in many ways, worse in some, and
better in others. So it was an enjoyable experience, and I made sure Forza
Horizon was my next game to get. I am so glad it was. I have played a few free
roam driving games over my gaming career, and I’d have to say that Forza Horizon takes the cake for my
personal favorite.
Since
we do cover music in this blog as well, I’ll go ahead and comment first on the
soundtrack that the game has. They have three “radio stations” to choose from,
one for lots of electronic stuff like house, dubstep, etc., another for indie
music, and a third one for Rock. This is a very nice feature that all racing
games should have; many games get rather irritating because they mix so many
genres into one soundtrack, and usually I end up turning the in-game music off
within 30 minutes because of it. Anyway, because I’m not really much for the
first two radio stations mentioned, the couple of hours I played with their
radio on was solely listening to their rock station. Overall I wasn’t all that
impressed, but of course it’s more because of my musical tastes than anything
else.
Of course pretty much any licensed soundtrack seems like **** after playing this game.
Another
small thing I enjoyed about the game was the little steps they made to increase
the immersion factor. For the first time I can think of, the civilian traffic
is driving real licensed vehicles. To many people this may not matter, but it
really helps me get into the game when I’m whooshing past a Prius or a Taurus during
a street race, instead of a generic hunk-o-crap designed by the developers.
As
for the cars that you actually get to drive, I’d have to say it is a decent
selection. Being that this is an xbox game, they are rather limited in terms of
disc space (Forza 4 had a lot more, but you have to consider that the tracks
didn’t take up as much disc space as a full-fledged free roam map, and plus
many of the cars were on a second disc that you had to install). So, given
that, they have a really nice variety of vehicles. However where I am rather
disappointed is that some of the paid DLC cars were on-disc content for Forza 4.
You already made your money on those cars; don’t make me pay for them again!
I'll smash your puny Prius to make myself feel better!
Another
result of hardware limitations is that while there is a decent amount of world to
explore in Forza Horizon, I drove all of the roads within about 10 hours of
gameplay, most of which was just me completing races and thus not really
setting out to complete said roads on my map.
One
place where almost all free-roam racing games fall short, and Forza Horizon
really shines, is the physics. You get the same decent physics model from
previous Forza games, and it just makes all the other games in this sub-genre
feel like complete and utter junk, because Forza Horizon actually feels a bit
like you’re driving a real car. If I had a wheel that worked with the 360 I’d
probably be in heaven.
Is this real life?
Of
course, the ultimate question is… is it fun? Answer: hell yes! I’d definitely
recommend this game if you enjoyed Test Drive Unlimited 2, love sim-racing and
need something casual to play every once in a while, or want to try and get
yourself into more realistic racing games without the pressure of a serious
atmosphere like Forza 4 has. It’s really good and I don’t think it will leave
my xbox’s disc tray for at least a few more days.
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