My Top 5 Must Have Programs

Is your PC feeling slow and sluggish? Are you suffering from regular blue screen errors? Did that porn site secretly install a back door (pun intended) to your most treasured files and folders?

Well that's too bad. I'm not here to offer anything that can fix any of that. Although, you can surely prevent those things from happening. I'm afraid I don't have a program to help you with your porn addiction though.

Expecting something dirty? Here's a picture of a duck instead.

What I can offer you though, is a list of programs and kits I've come across over the years of fucking up my computers to the point of retardation.

Note that Firefox or Chrome aren't on this list. Everyone knows to get those over Internet Explorer.

5. Ultra Defrag - Not to be confused with Ultra Defragger, which is MALWARE.

Ultra Defrag is an open-source developed de-fragmentation tool made by much smarter people than you and I. I'm willing to bet none of you have defragged your PC in a long time. Perhaps never even. I won't lie, I never did it. It always took too long and seemed to do nothing in return, except get in the way of my gaming sessions.

In case you didn't know, defragging is important. It organizes the thousands of files on your PC so the hard drive can read them faster and easier. What makes this program worth downloading over the regular Windows defrag tool? Well, the default degrag doesn't touch certain spaces and files, and that is a problem. Your hibernation files, your pagefile, boot files.... all that stuff is used frequently and never is allowed to be maintained. Ultra Defrag solves this with its boot time defrag. It loads before any processes are even loaded, and does a defrag of EVERYTHING.

And guess what? It's fucking fast. No more waiting a day and a half to defrag. A nice alternative is Defraggler if you prefer a prettier interface.

4. CCleaner - Or, I NEED SPEED NAO PL0X!!!1!!1

Everyone knows this one. It cleans up your registry and files for a small speed boost and gives you more space for all those games and gifs from /b/ and stuff like that. It also lets you select which processes and services to allow to be ran on startup. Very handy and one to keep forever.

3. Media Player Classic - Full Motion Video!

First of all, I applaud you if you got that joke. This is a replacement for Windows Media Player. WMP is slow, and when going through lots of videos, it can become seriously sluggish and even error out. All to watch videos... This is a great replacement because it supports shader filters, letting you tweak and mess with any video to get the best quality. It also supports more codecs and filetypes than WMP. Finally, it takes up less space.

2. Avast! Anti-Virus Software - Now better than AVG! (sort of)

For real. I've used AVG Free for the past 4 years, and it has always seemed to not do anything. I've always felt that it's not even there. While that is good, it's also a worry when I'm downloading lots of files and nothing is popping up to inform me of anything. AVG is also known for false positives. For an anti-virus, that doesn't sound very smart. Avast actually does stuff, but without hogging your PC like AVG. It's always being updated. I get updates for mine almost every 2 days. It has a nice sandbox mode for running suspicious programs, and easy to use interface. A plus is the silent gaming mode. However, it does provide false positives sometimes, but not as often as AVG.

1. Rogue Removal Kit - Knee-Deep In Malware

This kit is really a last resort of sorts, and also something to keep for regular maintenance. It comes with a variety of scanners and fixes when your anti-virus fails. Just read that page I linked to. In fact, bookmark it and keep it somewhere safe. It's full of other awesome tools and programs and is in a much nicer list than mine here. He doesn't have a snazzy Doom reference in his list though!

There you have it. I've always used these programs and kits, with the exception of Avast. AVG hasn't been good in a long time though. They've always saved my ass, or gave my decrepit PC a boost and longer life span. A lot of problems can be avoided with common sense though. That hot blonde with double Ds claiming to increase the size of your genitalia on your favorite porn site is a dirty liar.